It's quiet right now. The storm will come later when family when will start showing up. I need to be cutting up celery and onions and I will get to that shortly. But I felt compelled to put fingers to keys and write something before I let the moment go. Yesterday I had a moment. A moment to give pause, pay attention and think. I have been battling many things lately, none greater than the state of our union. The divide. Hell, the chasm. The culture of meanness that we seem to be immersed in. The abandonment of empathy. The disappearance of civility and mutual respect. Citizens threatening the lives of political leaders and fellow citizens over political differences. Selfishness over servitude. Battles fought in my youth over equality are waging again. Compromise or respectful dialog are artifacts of the past. We don't talk. We don't sit across the table from each other, or sit on the front porch and have conversations. We tweet, we post, we "meme", we scream in ALL CAPS, we threaten, we troll, and we look for conflict. As the fictional character John Coffey said, "I'm tired boss. Mostly, I'm tired of people being mean to each other."
Back to the moment.
Yesterday, we were running the next to the next to the last day errands before Christmas. A few groceries here, a stocking stuffing there, go by and check on grandma, grab a quick lunch and get that boy a haircut before Christmas. The boy is of course our grandson. And he needed a Christmas haircut. A close friend and a sweetheart of a barber/hair stylist agreed to work him in, partly because he plays her like a violin as he does most people. It's amazing how much dimples, big brown eyes and a somewhat bashful grin will get you, and get you out of. So... we had some time to kill before the appointment and we needed some nourishment. Tatum Wade wanted cheese dip, so we drove to the Mexican place of his choosing. As we pulled in he noticed two young men selling holiday breads on the sidewalk. He observes people like no other six year old I have ever seen. And he is ... what's the word? Perceptive. He can read people and situations better than most adults. I think that has something to do with what life has thrown at him and how that has impacted his perception of the world around him. Great personal loss can do that.
Back to the moment.
"Those boys are selling bread, pops. You need to buy some bread. They need help". Well Tate, I bought bread last time they were in town. They take cash and we don't have any cash, so we will get some next time. We walk past them, exchanging greetings and order our meal. Deb and I share a plate, Tate gets his cheese dip and flour tortillas. We eat a quick meal and head out the door. The boys are still selling bread. Tate once again pleads to us that those boys really need our help. He didn't really know what they needed help with, he just knew in his heart that they had a need. Deb told him again that we didn't have any cash and that we would get them next time. We needed to hurry home and start preparing for the holidays, we have things to do. About three blocks from the restaurant, Debbie noticed the uncharacteristic silence. "What's wrong, Tate?", she asks. She looks at me. Then she turns to Tate and says, "Are you sad that we didn't buy some of their bread?" He didn't say anything, but nodded his head as I turned to look. His face was wet from tears and they were falling on his shirt leaving tracks of his grief. Debbie turned to me, I looked at her and we knew what we needed to do. "Do you want to get your dad a loaf of bread for Christmas?", she asked. Yes, he said in a quiet voice.
That was the moment.
Think about it. It's two days before Christmas. He's six years old. Santa is coming. Gifts will be opened. Developmentally, he is in that stage that thinks the world revolves around him. It lasts all the way through adolescence. He is supposed to be distracted by his own selfish interests. He should be pestering us to death about opening presents, what did we get him, how long is it until Christmas... the endless questions of the typical six year old boy days before Christmas. And believe me, he is typical. He wanted a 2019 Chevrolet Corvette in candy apple red for Christmas. He wants Legos and super heroes and nothing but sugar cookies and candy to eat. He likes video games that drive me crazy and is the most impatient child in the universe. He's not a fan of homework. He's just a kid.
But that's the point.
He's a kid that took the time to observe. And place himself in someone else's shoes. The definition of empathy. Now he had no idea what those boys needed, he assumed money for something. He didn't know it was for some kind of facility for those in need. At six years old, he had no way of knowing if they were legitimate or not, in his mind if they were selling bread on the sidewalk, that indicated they had needs and it was our obligation, our duty to reach out. Was he naive? Absolutely. Was he sincere in his heartfelt desire to help someone that he deemed was less fortunate than him. Absolutely.
So, what did we do?
We went back and bought a loaf of bread. I gave him the five bucks and let him make the deal . He picked the flavor. Debbie wrapped it for him and dad will open that gift of bread tonight. But what dad will receive in that gift is greater than any loaf of pumpkin bread. His gift is having a son that has empathy for the plight of others. A child that slows down just enough to pay attention to people. In my mother's words, he has a heart for people.
Not long ago, in a local restaurant, Tate noticed an older lady sit down by herself. As Tate's dad walked by her, she stopped him and asked if that was his boy. Yes, he replied hesitantly. Well you need to know what he did. She explained that as he walked by her, Tate stopped and asked in childish innocence, "are you alone?" "Yes, I am", she replied. His answer was a simple one. "I'm sorry you are alone." She smiled back at him and told him that it was ok, but she appreciated him noticing her and being kind. Dad admitted that he needed that moment too. Sometimes we parents and grandparents need proof that we are doing something right.
So what do we adults need to take away from this ?
Number one, pay deliberate attention. We are offered hundreds of opportunities to be nice, pleasant, considerate, giving and loving everyday. But if we are not paying attention to those opportunities, we will never have that moment. We have to look at people and situations that we may not be comfortable with. We have to look with empathy, not mere sympathy.
Number two, see the need. And if we can't determine the need, ask. It may be as simple as someone having a bad day and the cure is a hug. The need doesn't have to be great, nor costly. Many times the need they have is your time. It can be very humbling to realize that what that person might need is you... your strength, your compassion and friendship.
Lastly, take action. Have the innocent courage of a six year old to ask if someone needs help. Offer an ear if someone needs to talk. Have a kind word to say. Be ready to embrace someone who needs a hug. Help them up. Show some love. It may not be comfortable, it might even seem awkward.
I think my six year old grandson demonstrated how we need to heal this nation. One kind human interaction at a time. Respect for one another. One selfless act of giving. Empathy for those who are alone. A kind heart. Tears for those who are less fortunate. Thank you Tatum for reminding me that the solution is and always has been love for each other. One person, one interaction at a time.
I think that is what this season is all about. One selfless act for the good of all others.
Merry Christmas from the Lynch family...
